his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
