apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
