so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
