I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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