but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We left the knife in your bed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
