So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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