now i know why i became what i already was.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
