she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
