so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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