Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
