Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
