You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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