apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
