oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
