Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
