drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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