I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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