Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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