you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
