At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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