Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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