boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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