She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
