ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
