i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My vagina is officially offended.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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