Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like death gave me a hand job
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
