trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
