I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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