Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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