I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
