do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
