I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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