i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i dont even know how to be here
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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