Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
