I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
