Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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