dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
