It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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