i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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