Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
