when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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