is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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