Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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