so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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