It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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