Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
