Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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