I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Mom said you looked used
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
