at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
