hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
