Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
