oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she woke up with a sticky ear
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
