Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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